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     </style><title>
Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
</title></head><body style="font-family: DejaVu Sans, Arial; background: rgb(254,250,246)">
<div style="text-align: center" class="head">
<h1>
Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
</h1><hr/>
<div class="byline">
Philip Corrie-Hawes
</div>
<div class="byline">
Laura Pearson
</div>
<div class="byline">
Henry S. Thompson
</div>
<div class="byline">
24 February 2019
</div>
<div class="copyright">Copyright &#xa9; 2019 <a href="http://www.ltg.ed.ac.uk/~ht/">Henry S. Thompson</a>&#160;<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en">CC-BY-SA</a></div></div>
<div class="body">
<div>
<h2>1.
Introduction
</h2>
<p>

At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met
with Philip at his home to discuss his application for
membership. After a pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband Mark
and some cuddles from their dog Fudge, we settled in to worship, during
which some excerpts from QF&amp;P 11.1 were read. Philip then shared
with us his background and the ways in which his involvement with
Friends had developed.

</p>
</div>
<div>
<h2>2.

Philip's journey towards membership

</h2>
<p>

Finding the Religious Society of Friends was the result of a process
of seeking which Philip entered feeling that something was missing
from his life.

Philip went to CofE schools, but let go of any idea of religion on
leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an atheist, while
recognising that that was a belief in itself. He now sees that ever
since then there's been a pattern of moving towards faith, stepping
back, looking for faith, or that something that was missing, not
finding it and trying again. In looking for a way to make a
contribution to peoples lives, a key step came when he took a job as
support worker in a mental health setting, after years in financial
services. But after 3 years or so he burned out, and realised that he
had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him
understand that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP) and with
that he began a process of digging deeper to find himself. Through
this project of self-exploration, he considered how hiding his
sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask and not being his true
self. This process enabled
Philip to look more deeply at universal
human needs and his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent
communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped.  An understanding of HSP and using
NVC techniques have helped Philip understand his yearning for belonging, meaning and a place to contribute and
participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the
past without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan,
and time as a citizen advocate.

</p>
<p>

But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and
tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the
environment he grew up in he was culturally Christian.  In his view,
The Bible isn't necessarily historically accurate, but it does contain
stories about how to live. He began looking for a religious context
that was consistent with that, while having at the back of his mind
that even if he did seek fellowship he wouldn't be welcomed due to his
sexuality. He experimented with local churches, firstly by reading
about them extensively online, then contacting them through email, in
particular asking for their opinion on gay marriage. First-time
response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some
vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at
Quakers quite early on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and
meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of attending a
Meeting for Worship, as Philip felt he needed to be hopeful it was
going to work, and also that it would be OK with his husband. Mark was
unconditionally supportive of Philip's search, and on sending an
enquiring email, Philip received a positive response from Laurie
Naumann.

So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. Philip
describes this as a "phenomenal experience". He found he understood
the structure and felt the silence utterly fulfilling. He explains
that he "felt quite
held". There was no quaking, but an atmosphere he could tap in
to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce himself, which he wasn't
expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do so. Philip reflected that he drove home
smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That
was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He
feels that he's now reached the foundation of where he needs to
be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring further from
what is now his spiritual home.

</p>
<div>
<h4>2.1.

Where Philip is now

</h4>
<p>

He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central
Fife Local Meeting treasurer, he goes to Area Meeting when he can and he's
organising the new monthly Meeting for Worship in Dunfermline. Being in the meeting
has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He describes
Quakerism as an anchor to come back to when he gets worried or things
get too much "a way to reflect and re-energise". He does still
struggle to define simply what it is that he gets from it, but he's
getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels
fortunate that Britain Yearly Meeting is part of the 'liberal' Quaker
tradition. Sitting in silence <i>and</i> going regularly to the
discussion groups are both part of what has become a very big piece of
the jigsaw which makes him who he is.

</p>
<p>

He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about
whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the
local Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was
not for him. He is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him
for who he is, and where all views are heard without judgement. He
doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry
comes, it will be given to him.

</p>
<p>

For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. It
is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part
of his life is in making a deeper commitment. And a way of saying that
he has something to willingly and lovingly offer to a community, as
he's already begun to do.

</p>
<p>

He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we
have to offer more effectively. He's loving that he's found a
community he can be a part of and where he can feel safe and where you
don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so refreshing. He
recognises that we can blunder and we're fallible but the intention is
always to connect, however you describe it. What binds us together is
the style of worship, the way we agree on business, viewing what
people say without blame or criticism.

</p>
<p>

He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he
looked at, whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without
signing a declaration that you believe certain things.

</p>
</div>
<p>

When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that
we didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the
spirit leads. Not "this is right, this is wrong", but being
in the moment, being led to take a particular path at this time and
where we all take responsibility.

</p>
<p>

The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of a
journey from a base that he had expressed. They were grateful that
they had been able to share it with him. We closed with a comfortable
silence, in no doubt that Philip's membership in our Society was
already a reality, now ready for recognition by Area Meeting.

</p>
</div>
</div>
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author	Henry S Thompson <ht@inf.ed.ac.uk>
date	Tue, 14 Jan 2025 15:02:12 +0000
parents	fad00ec1fcce
children