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author Henry S. Thompson <ht@inf.ed.ac.uk>
date Mon, 15 Feb 2021 18:17:50 +0000
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75 </style><title>Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes</title></head><body style="font-family: DejaVu Sans, Arial; background: rgb(254,250,246)"><div style="text-align: center" class="head"><h1>Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes</h1><hr/><div class="byline">Philip Corrie-Hawes</div><div class="byline">Laura Pearson</div><div class="byline">Henry S. Thompson</div><div class="byline">24 Feb 2019</div><div class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2019 <a href="http://www.ltg.ed.ac.uk/~ht/">Henry S. Thompson</a>&#160;<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en">CC-BY-SA</a></div></div><div class="body"><div><h2>1. Introduction</h2><p>At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met 75 </style><title>
76 with Philip at his home to discuss his application for membership. After a 76 Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
77 pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband [name here please, sorry for bad 77 </title></head><body style="font-family: DejaVu Sans, Arial; background: rgb(254,250,246)">
78 memory!], we settled in to worship, during which some excerpts from QF&amp;P 78 <div style="text-align: center" class="head">
79 11.1 were read. Philip then shared with us his background and the ways in 79 <h1>
80 which his involvement 80 Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
81 with Friends had developed.</p></div><div><h2>2. Philip's journey towards membership </h2><p>Philip went to to CofE schools, but let go of any 81 </h1><hr/>
82 idea of religion on leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an 82 <div class="byline">
83 atheist, while recognising that that was a belief 83 Philip Corrie-Hawes
84 in itself. He know sees that ever since then there's been a patter of moving towards faith, stepping back, looking 84 </div>
85 for faith, something that was missing, not finding it, trying again. Looking for a way to make 85 <div class="byline">
86 a contribution to peoples lives, a key 86 Laura Pearson
87 step came when he took a job as support worker in a mental 87 </div>
88 health setting, after years in financial services. But after 3 years or so he 88 <div class="byline">
89 burned out, and realised that he had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him understand what he needed as an 89 Henry S. Thompson
90 individual, and that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP). Digging deeper, looking back at 90 </div>
91 how hiding his sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask, 91 <div class="byline">
92 enabled Philip to look more deeply at his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent 92 24 February 2019
93 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. HSP and NVC have helped Philip understand his yearning to contribute, to 93 </div>
94 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the past 94 <div class="copyright">Copyright &#xa9; 2019 <a href="http://www.ltg.ed.ac.uk/~ht/">Henry S. Thompson</a>&#160;<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en">CC-BY-SA</a></div></div>
95 without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan, and time as a 95 <div class="body">
96 citizen advocate.</p><p>But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and 96 <div>
97 tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the environment h 97 <h2>1.
98 grew up in he was culturally Christian, but he doesn't take Christian doctrine 98 Introduction
99 or the Bible 99 </h2>
100 literally. The Bible has stories about how to live, without being 100 <p>
101 historically true. He began looking for a religious context that was consistent with 101
102 that, <i>and</i> that wouldn't find his sexuality a problem. He 102 At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met
103 experimented with local churches, read about them extensively online, 103 with Philip at his home to discuss his application for
104 then contacted someone online asking them "This is me, a gay man, what can you say 104 membership. After a pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband Mark
105 to me?" First-time response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some 105 and some cuddles from their dog Fudge, we settled in to worship, during
106 vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at Quakers quite early 106 which some excerpts from QF&amp;P 11.1 were read. Philip then shared
107 on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of 107 with us his background and the ways in which his involvement with
108 attending a MfW, needed to be hopeful it was going to work, and would be OK 108 Friends had developed.
109 with his husband. He was supportive, and Philip got a positive response to an email to 109
110 Laurie Naumann. </p><p>So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. On the day it 110 </p>
111 was good, supportive, "I felt quite held". There was no quaking, but an 111 </div>
112 atmosphere he could tap in to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce 112 <div>
113 himself, which he wasn't expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do 113 <h2>2.
114 so. Drove home smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That 114
115 was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He feels that he's now reached the foundation of 115 Philip's journey towards membership
116 where he needs to be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring 116
117 further from 117 </h2>
118 what is now his spiritual home.</p><div><h4>2.1. Where Philip is now</h4><p>He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central 118 <p>
119 Fife LM treasurer, he goes to 119
120 Area Meeting when he can, he's organising the new monthly MfW in Dunfermline. 120 Finding the Religious Society of Friends was the result of a process
121 Being in the meeting has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He 121 of seeking which Philip entered feeling that something was missing
122 does still struggle to define simply what it is, what I get from it, but he's 122 from his life.
123 getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels fortunate that 123
124 Britain Yearly Meeting 124 Philip went to CofE schools, but let go of any idea of religion on
125 is part of the 'liberal' Quaker tradition. Sitting in silence 125 leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an atheist, while
126 <i>and</i> going regularly to the discussion groups are both part of 126 recognising that that was a belief in itself. He now sees that ever
127 what has become a very big piece of the jigsaw which makes him who he is.</p><p>He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about 127 since then there's been a pattern of moving towards faith, stepping
128 whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the local 128 back, looking for faith, or that something that was missing, not
129 Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was not for him. He 129 finding it and trying again. In looking for a way to make a
130 is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him for who he is. All views 130 contribution to peoples lives, a key step came when he took a job as
131 are heard. He doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry comes, it 131 support worker in a mental health setting, after years in financial
132 will be given to him.</p><p>For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. 132 services. But after 3 years or so he burned out, and realised that he
133 It is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part of his 133 had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him
134 life is in making a deeper commitment. And, that he has something to offer, 134 understand that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP) and with
135 as he's already begun to do.</p><p>He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we have to offer more 135 that he began a process of digging deeper to find himself. Through
136 effectively. You don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so 136 this project of self-exploration, he considered how hiding his
137 refreshing. He's loving that he's found a community he can be a 137 sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask and not being his true
138 part of and where he can feel safe. What binds us together is the style of worship, the way we agree on 138 self. This process enabled
139 business, viewing what people say without blame or criticism.</p><p>He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he looked at, 139 Philip to look more deeply at universal
140 whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without signing a declaration 140 human needs and his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent
141 that you believe certain things.</p></div><p>When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that we 141 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. An understanding of HSP and using
142 didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the spirit leads. Not 142 NVC techniques have helped Philip understand his yearning for belonging, meaning and a place to contribute and
143 "this is right, this is wrong", but being in the moment, being led to take a 143 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the
144 particular path at this time. We all take responsibility.</p><p>The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of 144 past without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan,
145 journey from a base that he had expressed, and grateful that they had shared it 145 and time as a citizen advocate.
146 with him. We closed with a comfortable silence, in no doubt that Philips 146
147 membership in our Society was already a reality, now ready for recognition by 147 </p>
148 Area Meeting.</p></div></div></body></html> 148 <p>
149
150 But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and
151 tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the
152 environment he grew up in he was culturally Christian. In his view,
153 The Bible isn't necessarily historically accurate, but it does contain
154 stories about how to live. He began looking for a religious context
155 that was consistent with that, while having at the back of his mind
156 that even if he did seek fellowship he wouldn't be welcomed due to his
157 sexuality. He experimented with local churches, firstly by reading
158 about them extensively online, then contacting them through email, in
159 particular asking for their opinion on gay marriage. First-time
160 response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some
161 vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at
162 Quakers quite early on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and
163 meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of attending a
164 Meeting for Worship, as Philip felt he needed to be hopeful it was
165 going to work, and also that it would be OK with his husband. Mark was
166 unconditionally supportive of Philip's search, and on sending an
167 enquiring email, Philip received a positive response from Laurie
168 Naumann.
169
170 So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. Philip
171 describes this as a "phenomenal experience". He found he understood
172 the structure and felt the silence utterly fulfilling. He explains
173 that he "felt quite
174 held". There was no quaking, but an atmosphere he could tap in
175 to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce himself, which he wasn't
176 expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do so. Philip reflected that he drove home
177 smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That
178 was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He
179 feels that he's now reached the foundation of where he needs to
180 be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring further from
181 what is now his spiritual home.
182
183 </p>
184 <div>
185 <h4>2.1.
186
187 Where Philip is now
188
189 </h4>
190 <p>
191
192 He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central
193 Fife Local Meeting treasurer, he goes to Area Meeting when he can and he's
194 organising the new monthly Meeting for Worship in Dunfermline. Being in the meeting
195 has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He describes
196 Quakerism as an anchor to come back to when he gets worried or things
197 get too much "a way to reflect and re-energise". He does still
198 struggle to define simply what it is that he gets from it, but he's
199 getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels
200 fortunate that Britain Yearly Meeting is part of the 'liberal' Quaker
201 tradition. Sitting in silence <i>and</i> going regularly to the
202 discussion groups are both part of what has become a very big piece of
203 the jigsaw which makes him who he is.
204
205 </p>
206 <p>
207
208 He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about
209 whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the
210 local Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was
211 not for him. He is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him
212 for who he is, and where all views are heard without judgement. He
213 doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry
214 comes, it will be given to him.
215
216 </p>
217 <p>
218
219 For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. It
220 is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part
221 of his life is in making a deeper commitment. And a way of saying that
222 he has something to willingly and lovingly offer to a community, as
223 he's already begun to do.
224
225 </p>
226 <p>
227
228 He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we
229 have to offer more effectively. He's loving that he's found a
230 community he can be a part of and where he can feel safe and where you
231 don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so refreshing. He
232 recognises that we can blunder and we're fallible but the intention is
233 always to connect, however you describe it. What binds us together is
234 the style of worship, the way we agree on business, viewing what
235 people say without blame or criticism.
236
237 </p>
238 <p>
239
240 He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he
241 looked at, whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without
242 signing a declaration that you believe certain things.
243
244 </p>
245 </div>
246 <p>
247
248 When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that
249 we didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the
250 spirit leads. Not "this is right, this is wrong", but being
251 in the moment, being led to take a particular path at this time and
252 where we all take responsibility.
253
254 </p>
255 <p>
256
257 The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of a
258 journey from a base that he had expressed. They were grateful that
259 they had been able to share it with him. We closed with a comfortable
260 silence, in no doubt that Philip's membership in our Society was
261 already a reality, now ready for recognition by Area Meeting.
262
263 </p>
264 </div>
265 </div>
266 </body></html>