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75 </style><title>Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes</title></head><body style="font-family: DejaVu Sans, Arial; background: rgb(254,250,246)"><div style="text-align: center" class="head"><h1>Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes</h1><hr/><div class="byline">Philip Corrie-Hawes</div><div class="byline">Laura Pearson</div><div class="byline">Henry S. Thompson</div><div class="byline">24 Feb 2019</div><div class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2019 <a href="http://www.ltg.ed.ac.uk/~ht/">Henry S. Thompson</a>&#160;<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en">CC-BY-SA</a></div></div><div class="body"><div><h2>1. Introduction</h2><p>At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met 74 </style><title>
76 with Philip at his home to discuss his application for membership. After a 75 Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
77 pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband [name here please, sorry for bad 76 </title></head><body style="font-family: DejaVu Sans, Arial; background: rgb(254,250,246)">
78 memory!], we settled in to worship, during which some excerpts from QF&amp;P 77 <div style="text-align: center" class="head">
79 11.1 were read. Philip then shared with us his background and the ways in 78 <h1>
80 which his involvement 79 Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes
81 with Friends had developed.</p></div><div><h2>2. Philip's journey towards membership </h2><p>Philip went to to CofE schools, but let go of any 80 </h1><hr/>
82 idea of religion on leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an 81 <div class="byline">
83 atheist, while recognising that that was a belief 82 Philip Corrie-Hawes
84 in itself. He know sees that ever since then there's been a patter of moving towards faith, stepping back, looking 83 </div>
85 for faith, something that was missing, not finding it, trying again. Looking for a way to make 84 <div class="byline">
86 a contribution to peoples lives, a key 85 Laura Pearson
87 step came when he took a job as support worker in a mental 86 </div>
88 health setting, after years in financial services. But after 3 years or so he 87 <div class="byline">
89 burned out, and realised that he had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him understand what he needed as an 88 Henry S. Thompson
90 individual, and that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP). Digging deeper, looking back at 89 </div>
91 how hiding his sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask, 90 <div class="byline">
92 enabled Philip to look more deeply at his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent 91 24 February 2019
93 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. HSP and NVC have helped Philip understand his yearning to contribute, to 92 </div>
94 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the past 93 <div class="copyright">Copyright &#xa9; 2019 <a href="http://www.ltg.ed.ac.uk/~ht/">Henry S. Thompson</a>&#160;<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en">CC-BY-SA</a></div></div>
95 without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan, and time as a 94 <div class="body">
96 citizen advocate.</p><p>But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and 95 <div>
97 tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the environment h 96 <h2>1.
98 grew up in he was culturally Christian, but he doesn't take Christian doctrine 97 Introduction
99 or the Bible 98 </h2>
100 literally. The Bible has stories about how to live, without being 99 <p>
101 historically true. He began looking for a religious context that was consistent with 100
102 that, <i>and</i> that wouldn't find his sexuality a problem. He 101 At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met
103 experimented with local churches, read about them extensively online, 102 with Philip at his home to discuss his application for
104 then contacted someone online asking them "This is me, a gay man, what can you say 103 membership. After a pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband Mark
105 to me?" First-time response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some 104 and some cuddles from their dog Fudge, we settled in to worship, during
106 vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at Quakers quite early 105 which some excerpts from QF&amp;P 11.1 were read. Philip then shared
107 on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of 106 with us his background and the ways in which his involvement with
108 attending a MfW, needed to be hopeful it was going to work, and would be OK 107 Friends had developed.
109 with his husband. He was supportive, and Philip got a positive response to an email to 108
110 Laurie Naumann. </p><p>So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. On the day it 109 </p>
111 was good, supportive, "I felt quite held". There was no quaking, but an 110 </div>
112 atmosphere he could tap in to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce 111 <div>
113 himself, which he wasn't expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do 112 <h2>2.
114 so. Drove home smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That 113
115 was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He feels that he's now reached the foundation of 114 Philip's journey towards membership
116 where he needs to be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring 115
117 further from 116 </h2>
118 what is now his spiritual home.</p><div><h4>2.1. Where Philip is now</h4><p>He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central 117 <p>
119 Fife LM treasurer, he goes to 118
120 Area Meeting when he can, he's organising the new monthly MfW in Dunfermline. 119 Finding the Religious Society of Friends was the result of a process
121 Being in the meeting has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He 120 of seeking which Philip entered feeling that something was missing
122 does still struggle to define simply what it is, what I get from it, but he's 121 from his life.
123 getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels fortunate that 122
124 Britain Yearly Meeting 123 Philip went to CofE schools, but let go of any idea of religion on
125 is part of the 'liberal' Quaker tradition. Sitting in silence 124 leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an atheist, while
126 <i>and</i> going regularly to the discussion groups are both part of 125 recognising that that was a belief in itself. He now sees that ever
127 what has become a very big piece of the jigsaw which makes him who he is.</p><p>He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about 126 since then there's been a pattern of moving towards faith, stepping
128 whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the local 127 back, looking for faith, or that something that was missing, not
129 Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was not for him. He 128 finding it and trying again. In looking for a way to make a
130 is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him for who he is. All views 129 contribution to peoples lives, a key step came when he took a job as
131 are heard. He doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry comes, it 130 support worker in a mental health setting, after years in financial
132 will be given to him.</p><p>For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. 131 services. But after 3 years or so he burned out, and realised that he
133 It is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part of his 132 had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him
134 life is in making a deeper commitment. And, that he has something to offer, 133 understand that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP) and with
135 as he's already begun to do.</p><p>He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we have to offer more 134 that he began a process of digging deeper to find himself. Through
136 effectively. You don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so 135 this project of self-exploration, he considered how hiding his
137 refreshing. He's loving that he's found a community he can be a 136 sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask and not being his true
138 part of and where he can feel safe. What binds us together is the style of worship, the way we agree on 137 self. This process enabled
139 business, viewing what people say without blame or criticism.</p><p>He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he looked at, 138 Philip to look more deeply at universal
140 whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without signing a declaration 139 human needs and his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent
141 that you believe certain things.</p></div><p>When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that we 140 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. An understanding of HSP and using
142 didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the spirit leads. Not 141 NVC techniques have helped Philip understand his yearning for belonging, meaning and a place to contribute and
143 "this is right, this is wrong", but being in the moment, being led to take a 142 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the
144 particular path at this time. We all take responsibility.</p><p>The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of 143 past without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan,
145 journey from a base that he had expressed, and grateful that they had shared it 144 and time as a citizen advocate.
146 with him. We closed with a comfortable silence, in no doubt that Philips 145
147 membership in our Society was already a reality, now ready for recognition by 146 </p>
148 Area Meeting.</p></div></div></body></html> 147 <p>
148
149 But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and
150 tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the
151 environment he grew up in he was culturally Christian, but he doesn't
152 take Christian doctrine or the Bible literally. The Bible has stories
153 about how to live, without being historically true. He began looking
154 for a religious context that was consistent with that, while having at
155 the back of his mind that even if he did seek fellowship he wouldn't
156 be welcomed due to his sexuality. He experimented with local churches,
157 firstly by reading about them extensively online, then contacting them
158 through email, in particular asking for their opinion on gay
159 marriage. First-time response was always positive, but beyond that
160 there was usually some vagueness, along with some explicit
161 negatives. He had looked at Quakers quite early on, along with
162 Humanism, Buddhism and meditation. It took a long time to get to the
163 point of attending a Meeting for Worship, as Philip felt he needed to be hopeful it
164 was going to work, and also that it would be OK with his husband. Mark
165 was unconditionally supportive of Philip's search, and on sending an
166 enquiring email, Philip received a positive response from Laurie
167 Naumann.
168
169 So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. Philip
170 describes this as a "phenomenal experience". He found he understood
171 the structure and felt the silence utterly fulfilling. He explains
172 that he "felt quite
173 held". There was no quaking, but an atmosphere he could tap in
174 to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce himself, which he wasn't
175 expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do so. Philip reflected that he drove home
176 smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That
177 was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He
178 feels that he's now reached the foundation of where he needs to
179 be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring further from
180 what is now his spiritual home.
181
182 </p>
183 <div>
184 <h4>2.1.
185
186 Where Philip is now
187
188 </h4>
189 <p>
190
191 He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central
192 Fife Local Meeting treasurer, he goes to Area Meeting when he can and he's
193 organising the new monthly Meeting for Worship in Dunfermline. Being in the meeting
194 has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He describes
195 Quakerism as an anchor to come back to when he gets worried or things
196 get too much "a way to reflect and re-energise". He does still
197 struggle to define simply what it is that he gets from it, but he's
198 getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels
199 fortunate that Britain Yearly Meeting is part of the 'liberal' Quaker
200 tradition. Sitting in silence <i>and</i> going regularly to the
201 discussion groups are both part of what has become a very big piece of
202 the jigsaw which makes him who he is.
203
204 </p>
205 <p>
206
207 He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about
208 whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the
209 local Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was
210 not for him. He is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him
211 for who he is, and where all views are heard without judgement. He
212 doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry
213 comes, it will be given to him.
214
215 </p>
216 <p>
217
218 For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. It
219 is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part
220 of his life is in making a deeper commitment. And a way of saying that
221 he has something to willingly and lovingly offer to a community, as
222 he's already begun to do.
223
224 </p>
225 <p>
226
227 He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we
228 have to offer more effectively. He's loving that he's found a
229 community he can be a part of and where he can feel safe and where you
230 don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so refreshing. He
231 recognises that we can blunder and we're fallible but the intention is
232 always to connect, however you describe it. What binds us together is
233 the style of worship, the way we agree on business, viewing what
234 people say without blame or criticism.
235
236 </p>
237 <p>
238
239 He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he
240 looked at, whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without
241 signing a declaration that you believe certain things.
242
243 </p>
244 </div>
245 <p>
246
247 When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that
248 we didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the
249 spirit leads. Not "this is right, this is wrong", but being
250 in the moment, being led to take a particular path at this time and
251 where we all take responsibility.
252
253 </p>
254 <p>
255
256 The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of a
257 journey from a base that he had expressed. They were grateful that
258 they had been able to share it with him. We closed with a comfortable
259 silence, in no doubt that Philip's membership in our Society was
260 already a reality, now ready for recognition by Area Meeting.
261
262 </p>
263 </div>
264 </div>
265 </body></html>