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179
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1 Introduction
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2
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3 Thank you for downloading XEmacs. We of the XEmacs development team
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4 believe user satisfaction is our number one priority, and we hope that
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5 you will be pleased with the power of our editor. Please follow all
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6 of the instructions in order to enjoy a quick and easy installation.
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7
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8
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9 Getting Started
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10
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11 In this guide, information which you will need to supply will be enclosed in
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12 angle brackets, <like this>. Commands which you will have to enter will be
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13 indented,
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14
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15 like this.
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16
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17 You will need to provide a loading directory, in which to load the
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18 material from tape (/tmp/xemacs is recommended), and a permanent
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19 installation directory (/usr/local/xemacs is recommended).
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20
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21
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22 Loading From Tape
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23
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24 First create and change directory to the loading directory:
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25
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26 mkdir <working directory>
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27 cd <working directory>
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28
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29 Now you are ready to load the software from tape.
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30
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31 The specific device name needed to load the tape varies with hardware vendors,
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32 and may be found in Appendix A, "Vendors and Device Names".
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33
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34 Load the software from tape:
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35
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36 tar xvf /dev/<device name>
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37
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38 You have now loaded all of the software from tape, and are ready to compile and
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39 install the XEmacs Text Editor.
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40
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41
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42 Compiling and Installing the XEmacs Editor
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43
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44 Compiling and installing the libraries is handled by a user-friendly shell
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45 script. You will need to provide some information to the script, such as your
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46 organization name and registration number. To run the script, type
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47
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48 /bin/sh xemacs/xemacs.install -d <installation directory>
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49
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50 Follow the script's directions, and provide the information which it prompts
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51 for.
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52
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53 When the script prompts you for the directory in which the distribution files
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54 are located, you will find that you are unable to provide it with any directory
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55 which the script will deem satisfactory. That is because it is necessary to
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56 order the following additional parts which are necessary to continue with the
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57 installation:
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58
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59 Part Number Qty Name Price
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60
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61 GM-96-3026 1 Goat, male 1000.00
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62 CB-13-2395 1 Candle, black 50.00
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63 CG-63-6376 1 Chalk dust container 10.00
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64 IB-89-3335 5 Incense sticks 5.00
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65 DE-44-8846 1 Dagger, ebon, curved 500.00
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66 AS-87-2319 1 Altar, silver 10000.00
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67
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68 Wait until the additional parts arrive; you will be ready to continue the
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69 installation the next Friday the 13th at midnight.
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70
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71
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72 Ritual for Successfully Completing Installation
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73
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74 Stand in front of the computer. Pour out the chalk dust in an inscribed
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75 pentagram around you; be sure that it is without breaks. Set an incense stick
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76 at each of the five corners, the altar in front of the computer, and the candle
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77 in front of the altar.
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78
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79 Light each of the incense sticks and the candles, chanting in a low voice:
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80
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81 Daemons and spirits of the netherworld
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82 Forces of all that is chaotic and mysterious
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83 Essence of Netscape and MicroSoft
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84
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85 I am coming here to appease you
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86 I offer you this goat
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87 That my software may work
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88
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89 I bind you here
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90 Do not make my system crash
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91 Let the software install as advertised
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92
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93 Place the goat on the altar, and slaughter it with the dagger.
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94
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95 May this goat feed you
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96 Sate your lust for blood
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97 Into it may your mischief fly
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98 Not my computer
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99 Make the software work
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100 For this is the only way
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101
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102 Then spit into the computer's ventilation slots. This will complete different
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103 circuits inside the computer, causing its motherboard and cards to function in
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104 ways that the engineers never intended, thereby making your system compatible
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105 with our libraries.
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106
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107 Reboot your computer. The installation is now complete.
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108
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109 [This has undergone a minor rewrite for XEmacs. It originally
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110 appeared on rec.humor.funny courtesy of jonathan seth hayward
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111 <jhayward@students.uiuc.edu>, and is included by permission of the
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112 author].
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