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26
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1 Original annotation:
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2 [Someone sent this in from California, and we decided to extend
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3 our campaign against information hoarding to recipes as well
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4 as software. (Recipes are the closest thing, not involving computers,
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5 to software.)
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6
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7 The story appears to be a myth, according to the Chicago Tribune,
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8 which says that Mrs Fields Cookies hoards the information completely.
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9 Therefore, this recipe can be thought of as a compatible replacement.
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10 We have reports that the cookies it makes are pretty good.]
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11
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12 New annotation for XEmacs 19.15/20.1:
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13 [This file originally contained SPAM. It has been updated for XEmacs. -sb]
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14
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15 From: jhayward@math.uiuc.edu (Jonathan Hayward)
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16 Subject: A delicacy of delicacies
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17 Date: 19 Feb 1997 16:30:02 -0800
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18
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19 Okay, everyone... a true story of justice in the good old U.S. of A. Thought
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20 y'all might enjoy this; if nothing else, it shows internet justice, if it can
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21 be called that.
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22
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23 On a whim, I decided to visit Hormel's main plant, and, after a tour, we were
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24 allowed to taste samples of their various products. And there was one... I
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25 don't think that words can describe how it tasted. It was a meat product, but
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26 to call it meat would not do it justice. The memory of the taste brings tears
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27 to my eyes.
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28
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29 I like to cook in my spare time, so I asked the tour guide if they could give
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30 me the recipe. She frowned, and said, "I'm afraid not." Well, I said, would
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31 you let me buy the recipe? With a cute smile, she said, "Yes." I asked how
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32 much, and she responded, "Two-fifty." I said with approval, just add it to my
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33 tab.
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34
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35 Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Hormel and it was $285.00.
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36 I looked again and remembered I had only spent $9.95 for a couple of tins, and
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37 about $20.00 for an anti-nauseant. As I glanced at the bottom of the
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38 statement, it said, "Recipe -- $250.00." Boy, was I upset! I called Hormel's
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39 Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was "two-fifty," and I did
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40 not realize she meant $250.00 for a recipe. I asked them to take back the
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41 recipe and reduce my bill and they said they were sorry, but because all the
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42 recipes were this expensive so not just everyone could duplicate any of our
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43 delicacies... the bill would stand.
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44
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45 I waited, thinking of how I could get even or even try and get any of my money
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46 back. I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00 and now I'm going to have
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47 $250.00 worth of fun." I told her that I was going to see to it that every
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48 gourmet will have a $250.00 recipe from Hormel for nothing. She replied, "I
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49 wish you wouldn't do this." I said, "I'm sorry but this is the only way I feel
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50 I could get even," and I will.
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51
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52 So, here it is, and please pass it on to someone else or run a few copies... I
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53 paid for it; now you can have it for free.
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54
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55 (Trust me; this recipe is so good that you will want to make as much as
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56 you can at once, which is why I list so much. This may be doubled, of
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57 course):
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58 1 pig carcass (all parts that are technically digestible but can't be
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59 used for any other purpose, even hot dogs)
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60 1 gallon castor oil
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61 1 salt lick
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62 1 gallon vomit
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63 16 lbs recycled plastic
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64
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65 The cooking technique is simple. Use a blender, branch shredder, or
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66 anything else handy to shred the carcass, salt, and plastic; mix evenly
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67 in a sufficiently large container. There are a variety of ways to cook
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68 it; in experimenting, I have found the best option to be slow boiling
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69 in motor oil. But the specific method of cooking doesn't matter much;
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70 with such an extraordinary combination of ingredients, nobody will know
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71 the difference. When it is cooked, compress it into small tins (at
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72 Hormel, it came in dark blue tins with four large white or yellow
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73 letters -- I won't specify which four letter word, because there are
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74 some people who find it to be more obscene and offensive than a certain
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75 crude word for sex), and open and enjoy at leisure. You don't need to
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76 worry about it spoiling; bacteria won't touch it, and at any rate
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77 there is a specific reason why it _can't_ go bad. Makes at least 112
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78 tins.
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79
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80 Have fun!! This is not a joke --- this is a true story. That's it. Please,
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81 pass it along to everyone you know, single people, mailing lists, etc...
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82
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83 Oh, and one last thing I almost forgot...
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84
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85 I feel a little guilty for presuming to speak about how to best serve a
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86 delicacy so wonderful -- the final word must go to gourmets and chefs with a
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87 taste far more refined than mine -- but there are a thousand ways in which it
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88 may be served, and, after a little experimenting, I really HAVE to share with
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89 you my personal favorite:
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90
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91 Open one tin; slice thinly. Marinate in pesto sauce, with a touch of
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92 thyme. Roast slowly over an open flame (I have found wood --
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93 preferably oak -- to work best), then THROW THE STUPID THING OUT THE
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94 WINDOW AND COOK YOURSELF A STEAK.
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