Visit with Philip Corrie-Hawes

1. Introduction

At the request of Southeast Scotland Area Meeting, Laura and Henry met +with Philip at his home to discuss his application for membership. After a +pleasant lunch prepared by Philip's husband [name here please, sorry for bad +memory!], we settled in to worship, during which some excerpts from QF&P +11.1 were read. Philip then shared with us his background and the ways in +which his involvement +with Friends had developed.

2. Philip's journey towards membership

Philip went to to CofE schools, but let go of any +idea of religion on leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an +atheist, while recognising that that was a belief +in itself. He know sees that ever since then there's been a patter of moving towards faith, stepping back, looking +for faith, something that was missing, not finding it, trying again. Looking for a way to make +a contribution to peoples lives, a key +step came when he took a job as support worker in a mental +health setting, after years in financial services. But after 3 years or so he +burned out, and realised that he had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him understand what he needed as an +individual, and that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP). Digging deeper, looking back at +how hiding his sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask, +enabled Philip to look more deeply at his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent +communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. HSP and NVC have helped Philip understand his yearning to contribute, to +participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the past +without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan, and time as a +citizen advocate.

But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and +tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the environment h +grew up in he was culturally Christian, but he doesn't take Christian doctrine +or the Bible +literally. The Bible has stories about how to live, without being +historically true. He began looking for a religious context that was consistent with +that, and that wouldn't find his sexuality a problem. He +experimented with local churches, read about them extensively online, +then contacted someone online asking them "This is me, a gay man, what can you say +to me?" First-time response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some +vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at Quakers quite early +on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of +attending a MfW, needed to be hopeful it was going to work, and would be OK +with his husband. He was supportive, and Philip got a positive response to an email to +Laurie Naumann.

So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. On the day it +was good, supportive, "I felt quite held". There was no quaking, but an +atmosphere he could tap in to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce +himself, which he wasn't expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do +so. Drove home smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That +was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He feels that he's now reached the foundation of +where he needs to be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring +further from +what is now his spiritual home.

2.1. Where Philip is now

He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central +Fife LM treasurer, he goes to +Area Meeting when he can, he's organising the new monthly MfW in Dunfermline. +Being in the meeting has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He +does still struggle to define simply what it is, what I get from it, but he's +getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels fortunate that +Britain Yearly Meeting +is part of the 'liberal' Quaker tradition. Sitting in silence +and going regularly to the discussion groups are both part of +what has become a very big piece of the jigsaw which makes him who he is.

He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about +whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the local +Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was not for him. He +is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him for who he is. All views +are heard. He doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry comes, it +will be given to him.

For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. +It is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part of his +life is in making a deeper commitment. And, that he has something to offer, +as he's already begun to do.

He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we have to offer more +effectively. You don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so +refreshing. He's loving that he's found a community he can be a +part of and where he can feel safe. What binds us together is the style of worship, the way we agree on +business, viewing what people say without blame or criticism.

He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he looked at, +whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without signing a declaration +that you believe certain things.

When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that we +didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the spirit leads. Not +"this is right, this is wrong", but being in the moment, being led to take a +particular path at this time. We all take responsibility.

The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of +journey from a base that he had expressed, and grateful that they had shared it +with him. We closed with a comfortable silence, in no doubt that Philips +membership in our Society was already a reality, now ready for recognition by +Area Meeting.