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as published to laura
author Henry Thompson <ht@markup.co.uk>
date Fri, 15 Mar 2019 17:25:32 +0000
parents 2d22d73eba1a
children 2fac7d990278
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149:2d22d73eba1a 153:d520f6a8ff47
20 which his involvement 20 which his involvement
21 with Friends had developed.</p> 21 with Friends had developed.</p>
22 </div> 22 </div>
23 <div> 23 <div>
24 <title>Philip's journey towards membership </title> 24 <title>Philip's journey towards membership </title>
25 <p>considered staunchly that he was an atheist, recognising that's a belief 25 <p>Philip went to to CofE schools, but let go of any
26 in itself. Since then a journey, moving towards faith, stepping back, looking 26 idea of religion on leaving school. He considered staunchly that he was an
27 for faith, something that was missing. Job as support worker in a mental 27 atheist, while recognising that that was a belief
28 health setting, after years in financial services. Looking for a way to make 28 in itself. He know sees that ever since then there's been a patter of moving towards faith, stepping back, looking
29 a contribution to peoples lives, after 3 years or so burned out himself. 29 for faith, something that was missing, not finding it, trying again. Looking for a way to make
30 Understood it at the time that he had taken on more than he could manage, that 30 a contribution to peoples lives, a key
31 he wasn't suited for. Counselling helped him understand what he needed as an 31 step came when he took a job as support worker in a mental
32 individual, and that he was highly sensitive (HSP). Digging deeper, looking back at 32 health setting, after years in financial services. But after 3 years or so he
33 how hiding his sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask. 33 burned out, and realised that he had taken on more than he could manage. Counselling helped him understand what he needed as an
34 Enabled to look more deeply at his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent 34 individual, and that he was a 'highly sensitive person' (HSP). Digging deeper, looking back at
35 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss. Check-ins every working 35 how hiding his sexuality had meant always being on guard, wearing a mask,
36 day. HSP and NVC have helped Philip understand his yearning to contribute, to 36 enabled Philip to look more deeply at his own unmet needs. 'Non-violent
37 communication' (NVC), introduced by his new boss, also helped. HSP and NVC have helped Philip understand his yearning to contribute, to
37 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the past 38 participate. Realising this made sense of things he had done in the past
38 without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan, and time as a 39 without quite realising why, for example a year as a Samaritan, and time as a
39 citizen advocate.</p> 40 citizen advocate.</p>
40 <p>But there was still something missing. Began, privately and 41 <p>But there was still something missing. Philip began, privately and
41 tentatively, to explore faith. Had gone to CofE schools, but let go of any 42 tentatively, to explore faith. He recognised that because of the environment h
42 idea of religion on leaving school. Culturally Christian, but doesn't take it 43 grew up in he was culturally Christian, but he doesn't take Christian doctrine
43 literally. The bible has stories about how to live, without being 44 or the Bible
44 historically true. Looking for a religious context that was consistent with 45 literally. The Bible has stories about how to live, without being
45 that, <emph>and</emph> wouldn't find his sexuality a problem. Always had 46 historically true. He began looking for a religious context that was consistent with
46 difficulty making friends, finding a community, even getting to know 47 that, <emph>and</emph> that wouldn't find his sexuality a problem. He
47 neighbours. Experimented with local churches, read extensively online, 48 experimented with local churches, read about them extensively online,
48 contacted people online asking them "This is me, a gay man, what can you say 49 then contacted someone online asking them "This is me, a gay man, what can you say
49 to me?" First-line response was always positive, but there was some 50 to me?" First-time response was always positive, but beyond that there was usually some
50 vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. Had looked at Quakers quite early 51 vagueness, along with some explicit negatives. He had looked at Quakers quite early
51 on, Humanism, Buddhism, meditation. Took a long time to get to the point of 52 on, along with Humanism, Buddhism and meditation. It took a long time to get to the point of
52 attending a MfW, needed to be hopeful it was going to work, and would be OK 53 attending a MfW, needed to be hopeful it was going to work, and would be OK
53 with my husband. He was supportive, I got a positive response to an email to 54 with his husband. He was supportive, and Philip got a positive response to an email to
54 Laurie Naumann, and on the day it was good, supportive, "I felt quite held".</p> 55 Laurie Naumann. </p>
55 <p>Not quaking, but an atmosphere I could tap in to. Welcomed, and asked to introduce 56 <p>So, he went to his first Meeting for Worship in Kirkcaldy. On the day it
56 myself, which I wasn't expecting, but despite some anxiety I was able to do 57 was good, supportive, "I felt quite held". There was no quaking, but an
57 so. Drove home smiling: I've found something I want to go back to. I've 58 atmosphere he could tap in to. He was welcomed, and asked to introduce
58 been attending for two years, and feel that I've now reached the foundation of 59 himself, which he wasn't expecting, but despite some anxiety he was able to do
59 where I need to be. I'm not done, but I have the basis for exploring from 60 so. Drove home smiling: "I've found something I want to go back to". That
60 what is now my spiritual home.</p> 61 was two years ago, and he's been attending regularly since then. He feels that he's now reached the foundation of
61 <p>Very engaged in a practical sense: I'm the LM treasurer, I've been to 62 where he needs to be. He's not done, but he has the basis for exploring
62 Area Meeting when I can, I'm organising the new monthly MfW in Dunfermline. 63 further from
63 Being in the meeting has become an important strand of what keeps me well. I 64 what is now his spiritual home.</p>
64 do still struggle to define simply what it is, what I get from it. I'm 65 <div>
65 getting better at living with being unable to do that. I'm fortunate that ByM 66 <title>Where Philip is now</title>
67 <p>He's very engaged with Friends in a practical sense: he's the Central
68 Fife LM treasurer, he goes to
69 Area Meeting when he can, he's organising the new monthly MfW in Dunfermline.
70 Being in the meeting has become an important strand of what keeps him well. He
71 does still struggle to define simply what it is, what I get from it, but he's
72 getting better at living with being unable to do that. He feels fortunate that
73 Britain Yearly Meeting
66 is part of the 'liberal' Quaker tradition. Sitting in silence 74 is part of the 'liberal' Quaker tradition. Sitting in silence
67 <emph>and</emph> going regularly to the discussion groups are both part of 75 <emph>and</emph> going regularly to the discussion groups are both part of
68 what has become a very big piece of the jigsaw which makes me who I am.</p> 76 what has become a very big piece of the jigsaw which makes him who he is.</p>
69 <p>I needed to check one last time, it seemed, and went to the local 77 <p>He did feel the need need to check one last time, it seemed, about
70 Episcopal service, and I had to leave halfway through: this was not for me. I 78 whether Quakers were the right answer for him, and so went to the local
71 am home, with people who accept me for who I am. All views are heard. I 79 Episcopal service, and realised halfway through that this was not for him. He
72 don't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry comes, it 80 is at home in the Meeting, with people who accept him for who he is. All views
73 will be given to me. Membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge. 81 are heard. He doesn't feel any expectation to say something clever. When ministry comes, it
74 It is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering myself to this part of my 82 will be given to him.</p>
75 life is in making a deeper commitment. And, that I have something to offer, 83 <p>For him, membership is an outward symbol of commitment, a pledge.
76 as I've already begun to do.</p> 84 It is a kind of label, but the symbolism of offering himself to this part of his
77 <p>I sometimes regret our inability to broadcast what we have to offer more 85 life is in making a deeper commitment. And, that he has something to offer,
86 as he's already begun to do.</p>
87 <p>He sometimes regrets our inability as Quakers to broadcast what we have to offer more
78 effectively. You don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so 88 effectively. You don't have to adhere to a set of rules, which is so
79 refreshing. I'm loving that I've find a community where I can feel safe and a 89 refreshing. He's loving that he's found a community he can be a
80 part of. What binds us together is the style of worship, the way we agree on 90 part of and where he can feel safe. What binds us together is the style of worship, the way we agree on
81 business, viewing what people say without blame or criticism.</p> 91 business, viewing what people say without blame or criticism.</p>
82 <p>I couldn't fit myself to the mode of all the other churches I looked at, 92 <p>He couldn't fit himself to the mode of all the other churches he looked at,
83 whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without signing a declaration 93 whereas Quakerism offered a place to just be, without signing a declaration
84 that you believe certain things.</p> 94 that you believe certain things.</p>
85 <p>HST: what about MfWfB? P: not consensus, not a vote, but where the spirit leads. Not 95 </div>
96 <p>When asked about Meeting for Worship for Business, Philip noted that we
97 didn't seek consensus, nor did we vote, but looked for where the spirit leads. Not
86 "this is right, this is wrong", but being in the moment, being led to take a 98 "this is right, this is wrong", but being in the moment, being led to take a
87 particular path at this time. We all take responsibility.</p> 99 particular path at this time. We all take responsibility.</p>
88 <p>L: Touched about the sense of journey from a base that you've expressed.</p> 100 <p>The visitors let Philip know that they were touched by the sense of
101 journey from a base that he had expressed, and grateful that they had shared it
102 with him. We closed with a comfortable silence, in no doubt that Philips
103 membership in our Society was already a reality, now ready for recognition by
104 Area Meeting.</p>
89 </div> 105 </div>
90 </body> 106 </body>
91 </doc> 107 </doc>